On behalf of a group of concerned Iraqi mothers of Oxford, Leeds and London we are issuing this statement in opposition of the deportation of Iraqi youths on Wednesday 16th of June.
We believe that the devastation in Iraq is unbearable for any living person. As the news illustrates, the bombing has not subsided, there is no peace, proper public health services and not even electricity or water.
These youths have been living here for at least 2 years and have been studying English to adapt to the way of life here in Britain. It is also important to consider that most of them are not on benefits.
Last week, a group of about 40 Iraqis were sent back to Iraq- their families are now worried as they have not received them. They have been held in an Iraqi prison as they have no documents to prove that they are Iraqi people.
We feel that this is against the rights of humanity. We strongly think that they have the right to stay here in Britain
“They are sending me to my death. There is nothing there for me- I’ve lost all my family due to the conflict there.” says one Iraqi youth, currently held Gatwick Deportation Centre.
"These youths have escaped the massacre of Iraq to live a proper life- they have every reason to stay in Britain. With the situation in Iraq as it is, even a person's most basic needs cannot be met," states an Iraqi citizen.
Please stop their deportation to Iraq to prevent further blood shed.
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
'Africa House' Evicted For Demolition By French Authorities In Calais
Calais Migrant Solidarity Press Release
For immediate release:
African migrants are today going to be left homeless after the French Police this morning evicted an abandoned warehouse in Calais that was home to around 80 African migrants from Sudan, Eritrea and Ethiopia.
The eviction had been pre-announced in yesterday's local newspapers for 13:00 today. Most of the migrants had therefore left the building when the police arrived. The police have sealed off the building and have placed a chemical toilet outside for the workers who will carry out the demolition.
It is believed that the warehouse will be demolished later this month, along with half a dozen other empty buildings on the same street, including one home, next door to 'Africa House', which belongs to French citizens.
Calais Migrant Solidarity activists (1) are however currently trying to help re-house the African migrants in defiance of both the ban on shelter in Calais and the anti-solidarity laws in France (2).
The French police, working with the UK government, have escalated their attempts to drive migrants out of the French port town through systematic harassment, of which home demolitions is just one tactic (3) (4) (5).
CMS activist Kirsty Johnson said ?it is shocking to see in Calais the similarities in state policies and actions of those used against European Jews in the 1930s, which are now supposedly assumed to be found repugnant.?
Many migrants in Calais do not have anywhere to go. Kirsty Johnson described: "Some of the other communities who are routinely harassed by the police here include unaccompanied minors from Afghanistan, Palestinians from Gaza (6), and Iranian migrants. Many have travelled for years to get here, risking their lives, in order to find a home. They have lost everything."
Sammy Umal-Haram from Darfur said, "the police chase us every day, but they don't understand why we are here. All across Europe there are borders that are killing many people who are trying to cross from escaping violence and poverty. Many of us have travelled for years, and many are children. Where can we go? This is not a life." (7) Mohammed, 18, Darfur: "Everyday police come, take people to prison and mistreat us. Sometimes they say to me ?You are black, you are shit. You need to leave France."
Claire Braude continued, ?Life on the streets of Calais is the unseen reality of the policies of the French, British and European Union governments that exclude desperate non-EU migrants from accessing the very opportunity that was created out of the historical exploitation of non-European labour and resources.?
However, Jacques Anciot, present at the eviction, said: "They have been met with resistance at every turn. Calais Migrant Solidarity has had a constant presence on the ground since June last year working in solidarity with the different migrant communities and resisting police activity. We demand freedom of movement for all, and the right to stay."
calaisolidarity@gmail.com
calaismigrantsolidarity.wordpress.com
Tel: +33699746155 (In France)
+447531647480 (In the UK)
+447814974363
ENDS
NOTES TO EDITORS
(1) Calais Migrant Solidarity is a network of activists from across Europe that has been working on the ground every single day in Calais since June 2009, following the No Borders Camp. We provide practical solidarity to all migrants in Calais, and we are responsible for opening the well publicised Kronstad Hangar in February, which was violently shut down by the police. We are trying to communicate the effects of European Immigration policy in Calais, as well as work with migrants to help resist raids, organise protests, provide basic medical assistance, advice, space, English language lessons and friendship.
(2) It is well publicised that France has a law called the 'offence of solidarity' which applies to all migrants without papers and caries a harsh 5 year maximum sentence. The French government states that it does not use these laws against activists, but instead against people smugglers. However, a French legal association 'Gisti' is documenting instances of often hefty prosecution of individuals who have helped migrants without papers with issues such as housing.
http://www.gisti.org/spip.php?article1399
(3) The process of demolishing migrant homes began publicly last September with the large scale demolition of the Pashtun 'jungle', which saw 278 Afghans being detained, of which over half were unaccompanied minors.
(4) Police regularly slash migrant tents and blankets, ransack homes, destroy property, and assault migrants. In the last few weeks police have kicked prayer spaces, thrown Qur'ans, drawn fascist symbols on the walls and made monkey noises at migrants.
There are other reports from migrants of police putting chemicals into drinking water and suspected sleeping-pill substances being put into food served while in detention.
(5) It is believed that a building lying in ruins about 400 meters along the same road from Africa House, which is currently home to Arabic speaking migrants, will be the next home to be demolished.
(6) The Israeli killing of least 9 activists in international waters off the coast of Gaza has once again put the spotlight onto the hellish conditions suffered by Palestinians in Gaza, with the Israeli government denying many vital supplies to reach Gaza.
(7) 6 Darfurian Sudanese have recently been convicted in the French court of law for failing to identify themselves. They were unable to understand the court proceedings as there are 136 languages spoken in Sudan. Around thirty activists from a range of campaigns across northern France attended the trial. The Sudanese are currently in prison at Longuenesse.
For immediate release:
African migrants are today going to be left homeless after the French Police this morning evicted an abandoned warehouse in Calais that was home to around 80 African migrants from Sudan, Eritrea and Ethiopia.
The eviction had been pre-announced in yesterday's local newspapers for 13:00 today. Most of the migrants had therefore left the building when the police arrived. The police have sealed off the building and have placed a chemical toilet outside for the workers who will carry out the demolition.
It is believed that the warehouse will be demolished later this month, along with half a dozen other empty buildings on the same street, including one home, next door to 'Africa House', which belongs to French citizens.
Calais Migrant Solidarity activists (1) are however currently trying to help re-house the African migrants in defiance of both the ban on shelter in Calais and the anti-solidarity laws in France (2).
The French police, working with the UK government, have escalated their attempts to drive migrants out of the French port town through systematic harassment, of which home demolitions is just one tactic (3) (4) (5).
CMS activist Kirsty Johnson said ?it is shocking to see in Calais the similarities in state policies and actions of those used against European Jews in the 1930s, which are now supposedly assumed to be found repugnant.?
Many migrants in Calais do not have anywhere to go. Kirsty Johnson described: "Some of the other communities who are routinely harassed by the police here include unaccompanied minors from Afghanistan, Palestinians from Gaza (6), and Iranian migrants. Many have travelled for years to get here, risking their lives, in order to find a home. They have lost everything."
Sammy Umal-Haram from Darfur said, "the police chase us every day, but they don't understand why we are here. All across Europe there are borders that are killing many people who are trying to cross from escaping violence and poverty. Many of us have travelled for years, and many are children. Where can we go? This is not a life." (7) Mohammed, 18, Darfur: "Everyday police come, take people to prison and mistreat us. Sometimes they say to me ?You are black, you are shit. You need to leave France."
Claire Braude continued, ?Life on the streets of Calais is the unseen reality of the policies of the French, British and European Union governments that exclude desperate non-EU migrants from accessing the very opportunity that was created out of the historical exploitation of non-European labour and resources.?
However, Jacques Anciot, present at the eviction, said: "They have been met with resistance at every turn. Calais Migrant Solidarity has had a constant presence on the ground since June last year working in solidarity with the different migrant communities and resisting police activity. We demand freedom of movement for all, and the right to stay."
calaisolidarity@gmail.com
calaismigrantsolidarity.wordpress.com
Tel: +33699746155 (In France)
+447531647480 (In the UK)
+447814974363
ENDS
NOTES TO EDITORS
(1) Calais Migrant Solidarity is a network of activists from across Europe that has been working on the ground every single day in Calais since June 2009, following the No Borders Camp. We provide practical solidarity to all migrants in Calais, and we are responsible for opening the well publicised Kronstad Hangar in February, which was violently shut down by the police. We are trying to communicate the effects of European Immigration policy in Calais, as well as work with migrants to help resist raids, organise protests, provide basic medical assistance, advice, space, English language lessons and friendship.
(2) It is well publicised that France has a law called the 'offence of solidarity' which applies to all migrants without papers and caries a harsh 5 year maximum sentence. The French government states that it does not use these laws against activists, but instead against people smugglers. However, a French legal association 'Gisti' is documenting instances of often hefty prosecution of individuals who have helped migrants without papers with issues such as housing.
http://www.gisti.org/spip.php?article1399
(3) The process of demolishing migrant homes began publicly last September with the large scale demolition of the Pashtun 'jungle', which saw 278 Afghans being detained, of which over half were unaccompanied minors.
(4) Police regularly slash migrant tents and blankets, ransack homes, destroy property, and assault migrants. In the last few weeks police have kicked prayer spaces, thrown Qur'ans, drawn fascist symbols on the walls and made monkey noises at migrants.
There are other reports from migrants of police putting chemicals into drinking water and suspected sleeping-pill substances being put into food served while in detention.
(5) It is believed that a building lying in ruins about 400 meters along the same road from Africa House, which is currently home to Arabic speaking migrants, will be the next home to be demolished.
(6) The Israeli killing of least 9 activists in international waters off the coast of Gaza has once again put the spotlight onto the hellish conditions suffered by Palestinians in Gaza, with the Israeli government denying many vital supplies to reach Gaza.
(7) 6 Darfurian Sudanese have recently been convicted in the French court of law for failing to identify themselves. They were unable to understand the court proceedings as there are 136 languages spoken in Sudan. Around thirty activists from a range of campaigns across northern France attended the trial. The Sudanese are currently in prison at Longuenesse.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Refugees Welcome Here (In The Pages Of The Mail!)
Ironic-use-of-a-quote of the week award:
Peter Yoak, a refugee from war-torn Sudan, who now lives in Bolton, Greater Manchester, said: 'I find that most British people I meet are welcoming, friendly and polite. Of course you find a couple who are not like that, but that is the same everywhere. As a nation though, I think Brits are tolerant and kind."
Found in the Daily Mail, that well-known friend of asylum seekers, refugees and foreigners in general - and lifted almost verbatim in classic 'churnalistic' fashion from the Press Association copy. Except they put a helpful/patronising [delete as applicable] explanation of what Refugee Week is for all its readers, who are normally only interested in ranting about refugees in the paper's comments message boards: "a nationwide programme of events to bring Britons and refugees closer, through a Simple Acts Campaign, using everyday actions such as watching a film about exile or having a cup of tea and a chat with an asylum seeker." And thereby displaying their own ignorance as Refugee Week has been going since 1998 and the Simple Acts Campaign is just the latest manifestation of it.
Peter Yoak, a refugee from war-torn Sudan, who now lives in Bolton, Greater Manchester, said: 'I find that most British people I meet are welcoming, friendly and polite. Of course you find a couple who are not like that, but that is the same everywhere. As a nation though, I think Brits are tolerant and kind."
Found in the Daily Mail, that well-known friend of asylum seekers, refugees and foreigners in general - and lifted almost verbatim in classic 'churnalistic' fashion from the Press Association copy. Except they put a helpful/patronising [delete as applicable] explanation of what Refugee Week is for all its readers, who are normally only interested in ranting about refugees in the paper's comments message boards: "a nationwide programme of events to bring Britons and refugees closer, through a Simple Acts Campaign, using everyday actions such as watching a film about exile or having a cup of tea and a chat with an asylum seeker." And thereby displaying their own ignorance as Refugee Week has been going since 1998 and the Simple Acts Campaign is just the latest manifestation of it.
Blockade BMI Airlines!
*BMI Airlines* have been identified as the company conducting the regular charter flights to Afghanistan.
The sole purpose of these flights is to forcibly return refused asylum seekers to Afghanistan. Charter flights have the advantage of secrecy, since the deportations and the severe restraint sometimes used takes place away from public view, and large numbers of people can be deported at the same time.
BMI Airlines are known to have been involved in deportations in the past and their CEO is unrepentant about what he and his company are doing.
*Blockade BMI!*
Anti-deportation campaigners are calling for a blockade of BMI’s phone lines on Monday and Tuesday, before the next charter due to take place on Tuesday evening at 22:00hrs.
Please call the following numbers:
Head Office switchboard: 01332 854000888 (Mon-Fri, 8am-6pm)
Charter department: 0844 244 7040 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
IMPORTANT: Take note of the info and advice here if you wish to protect your privacy.
The sole purpose of these flights is to forcibly return refused asylum seekers to Afghanistan. Charter flights have the advantage of secrecy, since the deportations and the severe restraint sometimes used takes place away from public view, and large numbers of people can be deported at the same time.
BMI Airlines are known to have been involved in deportations in the past and their CEO is unrepentant about what he and his company are doing.
*Blockade BMI!*
Anti-deportation campaigners are calling for a blockade of BMI’s phone lines on Monday and Tuesday, before the next charter due to take place on Tuesday evening at 22:00hrs.
Please call the following numbers:
Head Office switchboard: 01332 854000888 (Mon-Fri, 8am-6pm)
Charter department: 0844 244 7040 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
IMPORTANT: Take note of the info and advice here if you wish to protect your privacy.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Yarl’s Wood Update: Releases, Returns, Reprisals
RELEASES: Thirteen former hunger strikers have now been released of the 25 or so we were in touch with on a daily basis.
All had spent months in detention and one woman had been there for a year and a half. Some had won their case but were being kept inside by a vindictive Home Office which was appealing the judgement. Women described feeling like forgotten people. One of the key demands of the hunger strike was for an end to indefinite detention.
The collective power generated by the hunger strike has had a huge impact helped greatly by the widespread publicity. Judges who were previously hostile and discriminatory are suddenly more willing to consider granting bail. Women, previously disparaged as “bogus asylum seekers” who “prolong their own detention” are being seen for who they are: rape survivors who have suffered terrible violence and trauma and mothers who have lived and raised families in the UK for years and who are distraught at being separated from their children.
Ms D was released in April. She has lived in the UK for 23 years. She had been detained for just under eighteen months at the time of the hunger strike. She was sent to Yarl’s Wood from prison, having been convicted and imprisoned for benefit fraud, despite the judge acknowledging that she had been forced to act as she did by her violent husband. He fled when the fraud was discovered, leaving her to face charges. She is still waiting for a Home Office decision!
Ms D said: “I cannot believe how our protest and the support we got has changed my life around. I was facing deportation and permanent separation from my family. Now I’m back home with my children in my arms looking forward to the birth of my grandchild. The support me and other women got while we were on hunger strike was critical to our survival and all that we have been able to achieve.”
Ms L was released four weeks ago. However, almost immediately she was forced to leave her accommodation when her surety demanded she have sex with him. We helped her find somewhere to stay temporarily while she waits to hear if her court bail hearing will accept her new address. She is terrified of being sent back to Yarl’s Wood.
Ms A was released in May but with a tag. She had been detained for six months at the time of the hunger strike. She refused food for the full six weeks and lost over six kg. She ended up in Yarl’s Wood after serving six months in prison for working without papers. Her applications for bail fell on deaf ears until the hunger strike brought the situation of women detained there to national attention.
On being released Ms A said: “When they gave me bail they restricted my movements . . . I can only be out of the house to take my kid to school, in the morning and to collect her in the afternoon . . . but at least I’m with all my family now.”
Ms J a single mother from St Lucia was released on bail. She was in detention for seven months. She had been kidnapped by a criminal gang, was raped and suffered other torture at their hands, and in fear of her life was forced to carry drugs to the UK. Ms J won her case but the Home Office appealed and she was kept in detention pending a decision. She was released after the hunger strike and is waiting for a decision on whether her status will be revoked. If it is, she faces being returned to St Lucia where, a fortnight ago, her sister was murdered by a gang looking for Ms J. Several members of her immediate family were also shot in the attack.
Ms K won her release from Holloway prison in April. Press release with details here.
But Ms O, a lesbian woman from Jamaica, remains inside because the Home Office won their appeal against the court’s original decision to grant her leave to remain. Her legal team have submitted a further appeal based on evidence of the violence she would suffer if returned, which is overwhelming and widely documented.
Seven other former hunger strikers are in regular contact but still detained. Four are still in prison even though they have not been charged with any crimes. All are battling against the refusal of the courts to grant them bail.
RETURNS: Two key hunger strikers were returned to their home country.
Both had pending civil claims against the Yarl’s Wood authorities. Using Legal Action for Women’s Self Help Guide both were instrumental in stopping other women being removed.
Ms P was sent back to Nigeria two weeks ago. She initially fled to the UK following years of extreme domestic violence which culminated in her being hospitalised for three months. We visited Ms P in Yarl’s Wood two days before she was deported. Whilst inside she helped other women, many of who had no legal representation and struggled to speak, read and write in English. She learned how to make legal submissions from another woman, and when that woman was released, Ms P stepped into her shoes. Word got around quickly and before long many women were knocking at her door with their papers. Ms P would spend several hours reading them before asking the woman to join her while she drafted the submissions they needed. When removals were imminent she would work late into the night. Her efforts were often sabotaged by the authorities: “If women had removals for a Friday and I asked the High Court to fax a JR form, nothing would arrive till Thursday, and usually at the last minute. This brave, charming, determined woman helped countless others and will be sorely missed. One woman whose case she took on commented “they took a good woman away from us”.
Ms S was removed three weeks ago. She was one of the few Chinese women in Yarl’s Wood who could speak good English and crucially brought women together across the barrier of language. Chinese and Vietnamese women said that they joined the hunger strike in particular to protest the length of their detention and because they are systematically denied translation. Some women didn’t even know they had been refused asylum. One woman had been held for over two years without knowing why and had received no help to find out. Ms S translated for women when they wanted to speak to us. She worked tirelessly to get help from outside and press women’s MPs to respond for appeals for help. She was also one of the key witnesses to the violence hunger strikers suffered when they were “kettled” on 8 February.
We are trying to stay in touch with both women to help ensure their safety and help pursue ongoing civil claims. Many believe they were both fast tracked out of the UK as punishment for the crucial legal and co-ordinating work they did. We would like to be able to send both women money to help them remain in touch with their supporters and solicitors while their civil claims are being processed. To donate please visit our website.
Recent Press:
We must end the detention of families, Guardian Letters, 18 May 2010.
Con-Dems break detention pledge, Morning Star, 20 May 2010.
More information:
Black Women’s Rape Action Project
T: 020 7482 2496 M: 07980659831 F: 020 7209 4761
Crossroads Women’s Centre, 230a Kentish Town Rd, London NW5 2AB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday 29 JUNE 7-9pm
Women’s Hunger Strike – Louder Than Words - Over 40 days • across races & languages • mothers defend families • many released • deportations halted.
Committee Room 8, House of Commons, London SW1, Westminster.
All had spent months in detention and one woman had been there for a year and a half. Some had won their case but were being kept inside by a vindictive Home Office which was appealing the judgement. Women described feeling like forgotten people. One of the key demands of the hunger strike was for an end to indefinite detention.
The collective power generated by the hunger strike has had a huge impact helped greatly by the widespread publicity. Judges who were previously hostile and discriminatory are suddenly more willing to consider granting bail. Women, previously disparaged as “bogus asylum seekers” who “prolong their own detention” are being seen for who they are: rape survivors who have suffered terrible violence and trauma and mothers who have lived and raised families in the UK for years and who are distraught at being separated from their children.
Ms D was released in April. She has lived in the UK for 23 years. She had been detained for just under eighteen months at the time of the hunger strike. She was sent to Yarl’s Wood from prison, having been convicted and imprisoned for benefit fraud, despite the judge acknowledging that she had been forced to act as she did by her violent husband. He fled when the fraud was discovered, leaving her to face charges. She is still waiting for a Home Office decision!
Ms D said: “I cannot believe how our protest and the support we got has changed my life around. I was facing deportation and permanent separation from my family. Now I’m back home with my children in my arms looking forward to the birth of my grandchild. The support me and other women got while we were on hunger strike was critical to our survival and all that we have been able to achieve.”
Ms L was released four weeks ago. However, almost immediately she was forced to leave her accommodation when her surety demanded she have sex with him. We helped her find somewhere to stay temporarily while she waits to hear if her court bail hearing will accept her new address. She is terrified of being sent back to Yarl’s Wood.
Ms A was released in May but with a tag. She had been detained for six months at the time of the hunger strike. She refused food for the full six weeks and lost over six kg. She ended up in Yarl’s Wood after serving six months in prison for working without papers. Her applications for bail fell on deaf ears until the hunger strike brought the situation of women detained there to national attention.
On being released Ms A said: “When they gave me bail they restricted my movements . . . I can only be out of the house to take my kid to school, in the morning and to collect her in the afternoon . . . but at least I’m with all my family now.”
Ms J a single mother from St Lucia was released on bail. She was in detention for seven months. She had been kidnapped by a criminal gang, was raped and suffered other torture at their hands, and in fear of her life was forced to carry drugs to the UK. Ms J won her case but the Home Office appealed and she was kept in detention pending a decision. She was released after the hunger strike and is waiting for a decision on whether her status will be revoked. If it is, she faces being returned to St Lucia where, a fortnight ago, her sister was murdered by a gang looking for Ms J. Several members of her immediate family were also shot in the attack.
Ms K won her release from Holloway prison in April. Press release with details here.
But Ms O, a lesbian woman from Jamaica, remains inside because the Home Office won their appeal against the court’s original decision to grant her leave to remain. Her legal team have submitted a further appeal based on evidence of the violence she would suffer if returned, which is overwhelming and widely documented.
Seven other former hunger strikers are in regular contact but still detained. Four are still in prison even though they have not been charged with any crimes. All are battling against the refusal of the courts to grant them bail.
RETURNS: Two key hunger strikers were returned to their home country.
Both had pending civil claims against the Yarl’s Wood authorities. Using Legal Action for Women’s Self Help Guide both were instrumental in stopping other women being removed.
Ms P was sent back to Nigeria two weeks ago. She initially fled to the UK following years of extreme domestic violence which culminated in her being hospitalised for three months. We visited Ms P in Yarl’s Wood two days before she was deported. Whilst inside she helped other women, many of who had no legal representation and struggled to speak, read and write in English. She learned how to make legal submissions from another woman, and when that woman was released, Ms P stepped into her shoes. Word got around quickly and before long many women were knocking at her door with their papers. Ms P would spend several hours reading them before asking the woman to join her while she drafted the submissions they needed. When removals were imminent she would work late into the night. Her efforts were often sabotaged by the authorities: “If women had removals for a Friday and I asked the High Court to fax a JR form, nothing would arrive till Thursday, and usually at the last minute. This brave, charming, determined woman helped countless others and will be sorely missed. One woman whose case she took on commented “they took a good woman away from us”.
Ms S was removed three weeks ago. She was one of the few Chinese women in Yarl’s Wood who could speak good English and crucially brought women together across the barrier of language. Chinese and Vietnamese women said that they joined the hunger strike in particular to protest the length of their detention and because they are systematically denied translation. Some women didn’t even know they had been refused asylum. One woman had been held for over two years without knowing why and had received no help to find out. Ms S translated for women when they wanted to speak to us. She worked tirelessly to get help from outside and press women’s MPs to respond for appeals for help. She was also one of the key witnesses to the violence hunger strikers suffered when they were “kettled” on 8 February.
We are trying to stay in touch with both women to help ensure their safety and help pursue ongoing civil claims. Many believe they were both fast tracked out of the UK as punishment for the crucial legal and co-ordinating work they did. We would like to be able to send both women money to help them remain in touch with their supporters and solicitors while their civil claims are being processed. To donate please visit our website.
Recent Press:
We must end the detention of families, Guardian Letters, 18 May 2010.
Con-Dems break detention pledge, Morning Star, 20 May 2010.
More information:
Black Women’s Rape Action Project
T: 020 7482 2496 M: 07980659831 F: 020 7209 4761
Crossroads Women’s Centre, 230a Kentish Town Rd, London NW5 2AB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday 29 JUNE 7-9pm
Women’s Hunger Strike – Louder Than Words - Over 40 days • across races & languages • mothers defend families • many released • deportations halted.
Committee Room 8, House of Commons, London SW1, Westminster.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
UK To Cut Immigrant Numbers By Teaching Them To Read The Daily Mail
Something we found at the Daily Mash. Not to everyone's taste but we found it amusing:
The government is to cut the number of immigrants applying for UK citizenship by teaching them how to read the Daily Mail, it has been confirmed.
Ministers believe that using the newspaper as the main teaching resource in English language classes should persuade more than 90% of applicants to go straight back home.
The plan, described by BNP leader Nick Griffin as a 'stroke of genius', will see each new immigrant handed 10 copies of the Daily Mail, a box of high-strength paracetamol and a bucket.
Rahman Ahmed, a carpenter from a small village in northern Bangladesh who signed up to the pilot programme, revealed it took him just 90 seconds to realise he had made a 'terrible, terrible mistake'.
Standing at the the check-in queue at Heathrow airport, he said: "It not just fact that you all obviously hate me - I prepared for that - it that so many of you seem fascinated with fatness or thinness of stupid, talentless women.
"Then I notice how you all in constant panic about whether or not to eat tomatoes. Some days they are best thing ever, other days they kill you. I am thinking 'this is not product of healthy brain'."
He added: "And I afraid I simply cannot live in country where people like Jan Moir are not fed to ravenous leopards in front of large, happy crowd."
Ahmed's friend and fellow student Khaled Assani said: "After five minutes I have to look up my Bengali-English dictionary for phrase 'demented fascist'. I go home now. Leave me be."
Meanwhile officials insist the newspaper's attitude to women should be particularly effective in persuading the wives and fiancées of immigrants to attempt to swim back to the country of their birth if they cannot afford the air fare.
A Home Office spokesman said: "To women from muslim countries, the Daily Mail should makes Islamic fundamentalism seem like a Germaine Greer seminar on the power of the vagina."
The government is to cut the number of immigrants applying for UK citizenship by teaching them how to read the Daily Mail, it has been confirmed.
Ministers believe that using the newspaper as the main teaching resource in English language classes should persuade more than 90% of applicants to go straight back home.
The plan, described by BNP leader Nick Griffin as a 'stroke of genius', will see each new immigrant handed 10 copies of the Daily Mail, a box of high-strength paracetamol and a bucket.
Rahman Ahmed, a carpenter from a small village in northern Bangladesh who signed up to the pilot programme, revealed it took him just 90 seconds to realise he had made a 'terrible, terrible mistake'.
Standing at the the check-in queue at Heathrow airport, he said: "It not just fact that you all obviously hate me - I prepared for that - it that so many of you seem fascinated with fatness or thinness of stupid, talentless women.
"Then I notice how you all in constant panic about whether or not to eat tomatoes. Some days they are best thing ever, other days they kill you. I am thinking 'this is not product of healthy brain'."
He added: "And I afraid I simply cannot live in country where people like Jan Moir are not fed to ravenous leopards in front of large, happy crowd."
Ahmed's friend and fellow student Khaled Assani said: "After five minutes I have to look up my Bengali-English dictionary for phrase 'demented fascist'. I go home now. Leave me be."
Meanwhile officials insist the newspaper's attitude to women should be particularly effective in persuading the wives and fiancées of immigrants to attempt to swim back to the country of their birth if they cannot afford the air fare.
A Home Office spokesman said: "To women from muslim countries, the Daily Mail should makes Islamic fundamentalism seem like a Germaine Greer seminar on the power of the vagina."
When Deportation Is Welcome?
You might remember back in March our story 'Shock Horror: UKBA Refuse To Lock People Up!' about two Indian nationals who had been sleeping rough on the suburban streets of Leicester throughout the recent harsh winter, surviving on the handouts of locals. Sarbjit Singh and Ashok Masah were destitute, having lost their passports and all other forms of identity and consequently were being refused entry back into India even if they could have afforded the airfare. The UK Borders Agency were also refusing to become involved and it took a (less than supportive) campaign by the local Leicester Mercury and the subsequent involvement of local MP Keith Vaz to set the bureaucratic wheels in motion.
Now the 2 men have finally been detained by the UKBA, which is apparently good news for Mr Singh as the Indian High Commission at long last have arranged a passport for him. However, for Mr Masah things appear to be less rosy as he evidently remains intent on continuing to refuse to communicate, let alone cooperate, with the authorities. It not even known whether he wished to return to India or not. Consequently the Indian government will not issue him with travel documents and he will remain in immigration limbo, banged up in a detention centre somewhere in England.
Now the 2 men have finally been detained by the UKBA, which is apparently good news for Mr Singh as the Indian High Commission at long last have arranged a passport for him. However, for Mr Masah things appear to be less rosy as he evidently remains intent on continuing to refuse to communicate, let alone cooperate, with the authorities. It not even known whether he wished to return to India or not. Consequently the Indian government will not issue him with travel documents and he will remain in immigration limbo, banged up in a detention centre somewhere in England.
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